Satireday
Comment Warrior Association in disbelief after India’s lunar triumph
The netizens of Bangladesh, the epicenter of social media-based intellectuals, stormed the internet once again following India’s historical astronomical leap.
The story behind Trump’s ‘perfect’ mugshot
Former US president Donald J Trump, also someone who “they say” is the current US president, has been honing his “mugshot face” since January 6, 2021 -- the day on which he allegedly instigated an insurrection.
Panic ensues as woman swings from coconut tree
In a rare sighting, a woman was found swinging from a coconut tree by clutching onto one of its leaves in Dhaka’s Elephant Road area on Saturday morning, creating severe panic among residents of the capital.
Netizens and other sensitive people upset by actors like Bradley Cooper acting like other people
Netizens and other sensitive people are out for blood and a few millimetres off Hollywood Actor Bradley Cooper’s nose. Cooper is set to play real life conductor, composer, pianist, music educator, author, and humanitarian Leonard Bernstein. Cooper needed to add some length and girth to his leading man nose so he used a prosthetic to match the likeness of the man he is playing.
Taliban shuts down beauty parlours to save monthly budget
In the latest turn of ridiculous events, the Taliban has shut down beauty parlours throughout Aarghmenistan in an attempt to decrease electricity bills and increase the country’s defence budget. The incident came to light when Supreme Leader Akhter was making his bi-annual budget for the year.
Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100
Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn’t exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.
Guardians no longer sad about their children scoring eggs in exams
In an epic U-turn in the outlooks of Bangladeshi parents, eggs -- once considered to be the worst possible outcome -- have now become the most desired marks in the exam papers of their children.
Fight breaks out among TikToker groups about location of sky in Different Touch song
A fight broke out yesterday on Hatirjheel bridge between 17 groups of TikTokers over which part of Dhaka was referred to in the classic 90’s Bangla hit pop song “Sraboner Megh Gulo” by the excellent band Different Touch.
Student regrets praying for rain instead of the ability to finish her studies in time for exams
Despondent and on the verge of tears, Promila Haider regretted making the wrong prayers the week before her university final exams. Suffering from the scorching summer heat, the 24-year-old literature student spent a lot of her time in the Cineplex theatres to cope with insufferable heat and the crushing uncertainty of what to do with her degree once she graduated.
Millennial boss tries to joke with Gen Z employees, gets reported
Late last week, an assistant manager at a design agency called Creative Business Boys (CBB) was reported to HR by his subordinates.
Bangladeshi marketing execs unhappy as Barbie’s viral marketing actually cost money
“Viral content should be a breeze. Just post something, give it a Facebook boost, and boom, it goes viral,” explained a perplexed Rashedul Jeeyam, the GM of Tubs Standard Media and Communications.
Poor man tries to pull himself up by his bootstraps, boots fall apart
Intriguing events unravelled last Tuesday, as Azib-o-Garib, Minister for Poverty, visited a slum in the capital’s Dogargaon area.
Actor-politician Alan: Man of Courage, beaten for filming films
Politics is a difficult subject to master mostly because it is not offered as a Master’s degree subject … you know, the kind of real politics that end up with two ministers on a talk show slapping each other. Or members of parliament in office kick boxing each other. Or political aspirants fighting each other at voting centres.
Accusing Threads of copying Twitter, Elon Musk threatens to block thoroughfares
“If he cannot make something original, why doesn’t he just leave this country and go to China?” Elon Musk said in acute rage while alleging that Mark Zuckerberg copied his Twitter to make Threads.
Rags-to-riches actor to start making arthouse films to win over tri-state residents
Gone are the days of sending five gangsters flying with one kick, said film actor Sayam Chowdhury, popular among the tasteless poor.
Conspiracy theorist in shock after learning the real truth
“Conspiration nation, you don’t know the real truth but I do, and you won’t believe it but I have done that hard work for you so listen up!” — is how famous Twitch streamer and YouTuber, Sacchi Mucchi, popularly known as DeyBLyin, would begin most of his videos.
Introvert who can’t carry conversation shouts ‘that’s crazy’ in every reply
Even at the age of 26, Syeda Chupchap Komkotha, a recent university graduate, struggles to socialise. It’s not like she isn’t interesting or doesn’t have quirky insights to share, it’s more of a general disinterest towards other human affairs.
Forgotten film actor’s dance moves mistaken for heart attack
In a bizarre incident last week, semi-notable TV and film actor Jaded Kzan found himself rushed to the hospital after attempting to showcase his dance moves at a party. Clad in black faux leather, the actor was socialising with other guests when he suddenly contorted his body, convulsed, collapsed and crumpled to the floor, seemingly burdened by the weight of his recent IELTS preparation for a trip to the United States.
Employee who fell asleep sues company over loss of productivity
Akmar Crimer, an employee at The Everyday Stare Agency for Beautiful People, filed a motion against his company for failing to keep him awake at office meetings.
Dhanmondi Lake insecure as entire Dhanmondi becomes a lake
Thanks to poor drainage systems and infrastructure, residents of the capital no longer need to visit Cox’s Bazar to feel waves of water crashing at their feet.
Chairs Anonymous pledges to ‘bring back the original utility of chairs’
Some of them screeched as they moved, while others rolled in strides thinking everybody was totally jealous of them (they were) – the annual Chairs Anonymous, a chair-only two-day convention commenced in the capital yesterday.
